once

For you were once
insecure
yet I scoffed
ridiculed
cajoled
threatened even
for you were once
insecure.

You heard me say
i've had enough
and your eyes welled up
with tears
with fears
unmapped
by your inexperienced
heart.
for you were once
insecure.

How cruel was i
to take advantage
of the innocence
in your touch
in the way your tiny hands
clutched
curled their way
around my arms.
I slept soundlessly
as you wept
siently.
For you were once
insecure.

Time slashes
through bloody wrists
the result of
affections obviated
harshly,
for they were once
far too clingy.
and now
i faintly,
silently,
reminisce
of devotion
dedication
pure agonizing emotion
for i was once
secure.

today i know not
where you are
with whom you dwell
no longer needing
my sense, my voice, my being
by choice.
ofcourse
by choice.
i still remember those
dimpled smiles
those twinkling eyes
for you were once
secure.
---------------------------------------------

bad with words

repeatedly
the string of words
regurgitate at my feet
over and over
for no other pattern
exists.

you struggle to express
communicate
mention even
what it feels like
how much it affects you
but fail
and fall
dissapointingly short
of what we need to hear
what we need to hear.

For i am listening
every single day
hoping
assuming
that your actions
will not be
as disjointed
as sparce
a farce
as your words

I observe
I study
the double standard
you employ
and I pray
furiously
that you're not another
to suffer the loss
of losing me
forever.

...

parallel to once...

if there was ever a night when you felt you could sing the saddest song, this would be it. not because you feel you could do it justice, but because in split, piercing seconds, you feel the see-saw of your heart aching and your heart wrenching in unsympathetic waves.

it's true. at the end of the day, you've got to be able to count on yourself, because noone has your back. noone. good friends going through tremendous turmoil in their life would understand this. i respect you my friend. if you're reading this, know that i respect you.