dC's advice column: tattoo

Dear dC,
I’m planning to get my first ink-job….any advice from a well tattooed brother like yourself? Also, its not like the pain matters too much but just checking- how much does it hurt?
-Alex from Mumbai..

Dear Alex,
First of all, if the pain didn’t matter, you wouldn’t ask. So quit being a pansy and ask. Now as you asked I must say ‘quit being a wimp and worrying about the pain’. Especially the pain impaled upon from a tattoo. Tattoos are voluntary. In 59 years you might be suffering from some dilapidating disease that causes your bones to crumble at the touch of a hard substance and that is real pain. If we suddenly decide to go to war with sri lanka and the 2 of us need to get enlisted, and you get shot by an LTTE sniper dude in the bottom half of your left ass-cheek, that is pain. Quit whining.

Ok, about the tattoo. First of all, I am not that well-inked up. I have one glorious job paying homage to the sun-sign on my right arm which shall get supplemented at some time in the future….

Good tattoo parlors are numerous. Funky monkey in bandra is beyond tremendous. The player there has a phenomenal samurai scene going live across his chest and back. If you’re looking for pain, inspiration and true devotion ask him to take his shirt off to get a peek. Do not be gay about it though. Secondly, my tattoo experience was enhanced with bad company’s self titled album blaring behind my ears through the hour long duration required for the creation of ze masterpiece. Everytime I heard Paul Rodgers go “bad company, till the day I die…” it was a holy matrimony of an experience.

Anyway, I suggest you tell the ink-master to pump in something cool like the drive-by truckers or even old school alice in chains (man in a box or grind would be scintillating) …. If its pain you’re worried about though, there are hena tattoos on every beach in goa that offer mehndi jobs to little old ladies. They play compulsory goan Christian music with that fallacy of an art, but please refrain from writing or sending pictures to me of the aftermath if this is your choice of action.

Good luck and godspeed

-dC