encapsulating

Much time has elapsed since the last major update. The reasons for this have been multi-fold. Buried under oodles of work, traveling across countries and southern beach towns (not that I got to see too much of the beach), reunions that stretch out long into the evenings and an overwhelming sense of 'too much too soon' in terms of expectations both within and without.

A crazy last 4 weeks to put it mildly.

Reunions

DG was in town. I have always admired the man's ability to create the sense that we'd never spent a day apart. An insane reality check that almost 3 years had gone by since we shared the tiny room in vikhroli leading up to the big I-C....Anyways, as always with DG, the catch ups had much to do with food so we head to Oh Calcutta for the first of our long nights of nostalgia. Speaking of Oh Calcutta, the food there is simply out of this world. Get a taste of the biryani and the crab that comes served in banana leafs - melt in your mouth stuff. After dinner (and a long discussion on the average dilliwalas lack of social/civic sense) we scooted over to Debbie's for more drinks. I got some more music of DG (although his taste is becoming softer by the year) and finally bid adieu as late as 3am. I had to fly to London the next night and with DG meeting up with us around 8 in the evening, I just about caught my flight post 4 stella's (thanks to the InBev brand launches in Gurgaon) at TCs with KS and SS. A good night and a great reunion. Fantastic news from DG along with the most insightful bit of wisdom he's ever shared with me in recent times "After a point, when I realized __ was the one, I didn't see any point in waiting around anymore". Amen. Thanks for sharing bro, can't wait to celebrate the awesomeness with you very very soon.

London

I already gave you guys a glimpse of what was the second trip in as many weeks. A tremendous city with a phenomenal cultural melange; I was lucky to have had some extremely insightful discussions on what makes the world's most desirable city click from a couple of locals. This combined with 2 insane projects running side by side and I had my first ever feeling of international exhaustion. I never thought it possible - but it happened and boy was I glad to be back on home soil after finishing off YT and the series of never-ending meetings on the event that is going to capture the state of science in India. Not etirely the topic that captures van chitgough's imagination but the scope has enough in it to be noteworthy of a phenomenal experience. The fingers are crossed that all of this is going to create enough of an 'echo' in the coming months ofcourse :)
Moving along, London highlights included Nando's, the salt yard, brilliant chilling on a sunday afternoon at Hyde Park, The London Eye, the V&A Museum, waddesdon manor, lots of 5 minute stop-overs with the tube-station musicians of all sorts, trips to Oxford Said Business School for a seminar on the politics of inclusion around globalization and finally a cocktail reception with the good doctor on 'entrepreneurship' (he is such a stud) at LBS. On a reunion note (what is a visit without catching up with friends in the vicinity:)), brilliant fun catching up with RC and the rest of the London based gang. Lots of great conversations, walking around embankment and south bank (the former being my favorite part of London) and generally finding cool places to go dancing - shancing after the stupidly early timings that bars close (it's certainly NOT the party capital of that side of the globe). A satisfying trip overall both professionally and personally and Van Chitgough's thumbs up to the city is now official.

JNC 2008
So I got back from London on the 20th. Tired, jet-lagged and with enough follow up work to kill an army of really intelligent consultant elephants (consultephants?), I could have used a couple of days in bed just answering emails and being pampered with cold glasses of nimbu paani and good desi grub...alas,it was not to be. Van Chitgough has been notorious for pushing the limits on previous occassions and in this particular situation, he just didn't have the heart to back out, knowing the consequences it can have for the organizing parties of an @ conference. Hence, on a sunny sunday morning, I packed up and proceeded to pondicherry, for what was going to be a pretty jam-packed week. I underestimated just how maddening and jam-packed it was going to be.
350 youngsters aged 17-22, lots of internationals, lots of activity and lots of expectations. 3 years since my last @ in India conference and I was now back. I was also very very old (at 24, believe it or not!). The organization's gotten wilder, louder and rowdier (or am I just being an old foggy?) but the intelligence, passion and pure unadulterated enthusiasm remains. I think I did OK overall and managed to connect with a critical mass of people. Some more great conversations, moments of hilarity, moments of inspiration and moments of sheer exasperation with the state of affairs. @ conferences never fail to provide a see-sawing sense of emotion :)
Can't put all of it down in words but all in all - I'm glad I went and I'm glad I capped off the core involvement with the organization that's been such a part of my life (uptil now) in the way that I did. From here on, I'm happy to sit back, reconnect with fellow old-timers (or dinosaurs as we used to say in Switz), shell out some cash for support and providing time periodically for advice. Great memories from Pondicherry and it was bizarre to feel that post-conference let down after so many years. It's hellishly difficult coming back to an empty house and loads of decisions/responsibilities/deadlines after being surrounded by a micrcosm of India's screaming youth population in a room for 7 days :) Great memories.

Phew. A lot. So brilliant to be back home though. Spent the week catching up and getting down with the warrior sound once again. Got the realization that I need to get a lot of stuff down on 'paper' and not leave difficult decisions purely to trust. Things change and situations evolve. The manifestations of expectations is best described on ink, rather then through spoken word. I need to push for this to secure mine and the organization's future. An excellent reunion with the thakur who is now back in India for good (giving me an opportunity to visit him in Gwalior :)) along with some late night shenanigans at YBR with the entire college gang. Gosh how much I love those guys.

I'm still up at this unearhly hour, partly because of the blessing in sporting spectacles that was the recently concluded wimbledon final. In all of Lord Federer's greatness, there is something to be said for this 22 year old phenom from Spain. I bow to you ever so gently Rafa. You were the man tonight and your humble repitition of the heavily accented 'thank you very much' during the presentation ceremony was a reminder of just how young you are. Your age and innocence bely the brutality of your game on court. Very few men have won the french and wimbledon back to back; and to beat god in his own backyard takes guts, gumption and pure 'want'. You had it all. Just remember one thing though - god creates his legacy and we've all been reminded of lord federe's return next year. The rivalry continues.

On the aspect of cool web-findings, the crawls led me to find wordle through arthur's blog (the man has mad skills when it comes to finding some stuff).From the website:

Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text.

The above wordle is of portions of my nomadlife blog. Would be awesome to see what it comes up with for great speeches, songs and books..

Also, my bro Vijit introduced me to the latest in online radio - musicovery. A good shot at the brilliance that was Pandora at one point of time with the emphasis on moods and branches that connect genres of music.., I'll be giving it some serious trial runs this coming week and will post the outcome for you guys.

chalo, that's about it from me now. A busy week beckons with the creators returning after their 2 week London chilling next Sunday. A big change in the 'abode' setup will culminate the following weekend with my decision to return. A good one I think with the much needed balance being put in place at most levels.

Good night guys. Peace.

quick update

In London again. Should be a quick trip and it's been fairly eventful already. Some interesting people met and some interesting places visited. Nothing like combining the love of good locations, good company and work at one go.

The Victoria and Albert Museum had much to offer and I even got to see a couple of Turners..

The London Eye was slow but breathaking (despite the damn dampy weather). Needless to say the sun came out the moment we got off.


Lots more coming up in the coming days including Waddesdon Manor and a bunch of crazyness with meetings, YTI and a heck of a lot more.

This time around I'm near Tottenham court road which is a lot more exciting than St. Johns Wood (which was utterly sleepy) so more to see and feel in terms of the hustle/bustle of London.
-----------------

Can't get Panic at the Disco's song 'I write sins not tragedies' out of my head right now..

Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the god damned door?

still here

it's half past 2.
and i'm still here

somewhere
we're all wide awake
here though
it's stupendously late

it's half past 2
and i'm still here.

is this madness?
or a sickness?
or a hidden affiliation
for masochistic tendencies?

it's half past 2
and i'm still here.

Drive
force
belief
ambition
beyond the call of duty.
What does one do
when the call comes
from nowhere
and everywhere
all together
all together now.

It's half past 2
and i'm still here

What'll make it all worth it?
riches?
contentment?
contempt?
One answer
I'm willing to pay for.

What the hell

It's half past 2
and I'm still here.

In effect

In effect
I’m here to listen
guide
assist the ride
steady the tide.

In effect
I’ve got the answers
the questions
the poignant yet ambiguous
musings

In effect
I’m sort of all knowing
sort of wise
inner strength glowing
sorted.

In effect
I’m really not
I’m also lost
in the dark
I’m groping
the fading candle
at arm’s length
is all
that’s really glowing.



-Dhruv, May 26th 2008

whirlwind

As I write this, it's the 26th of May. Before I know it, the halfway mark of '08 would be here. The sheer speed with which time has elapsed could not be better explained than through what has transpired over the last 3 odd weeks. A whirlwind comparable only to some times back in the @ days. Except the stakes are higher, much much much higher.


The problem with not having blogged or taken down the faithful 'notes' (a random reference - Microsoft Onenote is pretty awesome, get it if you're the kind who needs to write everything down for future reference in work/life etc) is the difficulty one faces in capturing it all. I saw some great movies, Iron man being the most entertaining of the lot. London happened last week. My first trip which was in itself a lightning quick 6 days considering the number of range of activities it entailed. That too on a raging temperature and antibiotics for the first couple of days.
Note to self: flying when sick sucks. British Airways has a decent in-flight program though. I watched a random Michelle Pfeifer moving en route to London and picked up the new Tom Hanks on the way back. Charlie Wilson's war. Not fantastic but with enough decent performances to be semi-enjoyable. I think a thorough book on the true story might do more justice on a creative level though.

I warn you, this is going to be one rambling post . I'm in no mood to make this pretty to read or a post that'll merit a return in the future. I feel like typing out some of those from time to time. Tonight however, amidst a slight haze around me, with delhi at it's muggy best and the disoriented bitchyness that coincides the return from a long flight and preoccupation - not to be.

For the first time in these last 3 months, I've experienced the feeling of giving a large bit of yourself to something held dangerously close on a professional level. The investments of time, money and pure 'soul' have been diverse. What is enlightening though is that it isn't as glorious and congratulatory as the entrepreneurial experience is made out to be. It's hard guts, blood and tears combined with the obsession of looking over your shoulder, making sure you're safe. The unknown clashes with the surroundings. Whilst there's no time to ponder and compare, the stories of the conventional are all around. The B-school entrants, the wasted lunatics that jump from one scholarship/institution to another with an insatiable need to soak in the academic experience, the self-righteous yet monotonously cheerful cogs in the multi-national wheel of fortune (does this sound derogatory ? because it's really not meant to be); the list is long and endless. This trip re-opened my eyes to situations I had shut off a long time ago. I had no desire to percieve the merit of my choices, there choices, yet I did. The result is supreme and unadulterated relief to be back home. Strum the guitar and rue the time lost originally dedicated for song-writing. That HAS to happen. It is going to be the savior amidst rocky times to come. The thing with rocky times is that there are some pretty lofty peaks. The lows I've almost been able to handle. It's when those peaks don't reach my expectations that things begin to look dreary.

Some elements have been sacrificed on the professional front . Why is it that pure dogged professionalism and excellence can't go hand in hand with a culture of comfort? I look forward to BS returning. Music holds many answers. I repeat- the savior.

Met Bee on the last day in London. Was an excellent reunion amidst a bit of tension. Thievery exists everywhere. Anyway, catching up with her was excellent. Stories of the year, road-maps of near and dear friends and as always- the future. Relationships, evolution, nostalgia. Over 2 hours with club sandwiches and tea. It was a nice closing to a crazy trip. I'll see more of you next time London. I think I owe you that much.

The sickness still holds on tight. I haven't enjoyed the sense of having taste buds for a week now. Characterizing food types on the basis of texture gets old after awhile. A pretty disgusting feeling to have. I can only pray and hope that it doesn't last long.

Onto more positive reminiscing. There were some awesome birthdays. D threw a killer scene for Ro to celebrate his 25th. I had spent the day shifting into KS' place and was fatigued of mind and body upon entering (late- for which I was lambasted to some extent). More then made up for it with random socializing and playing semi-host (which has become an invaluable skill that has been honed from a young age). Passed out and woke up with a start at the crack of dawn (well 7am really).

krant's bday followed a week later. Urban Pind has skills although apart from Thursday- the local spin king needs a check up from the neck up. Once again amidst a heavy week of work which led to the breakdown of the immune system. Extremely pissed off with myself for not having taken care of myself better, not having the ability to say no and not striking the balance which usually keeps me sane. I go back to that 'drive' which has emerged to make the most of 'this'. Not at the cost of Ma santé though. No way.

The new abode has been largely comfortable although I don't know how long the current set-up will last. Let's see. I finally need to get one of these because work demands it. Another investment but I'm sure I'll manage the much-needed balance with 24/7 on-call availability for all and sundry...

A closing word of advise to anyone reading this- DONT watch the darjeeling express or the darjeeling limited or whatever the hell its' called. Possibly the most pathetic movie of ALL time. I don't know why me and T do this to ourselves. Serious addicts with no quality control is what we've become...:)

June is upon us. A very important birthday draws near (thank the stars for you baby:)) and the visit of another old friend pumps up the excitement.

Is this release or mearly me enacting 'much ado about nothing'?

later alligator

Tonight's the last night at the abode of the last 2 years. As me and the phenomenon (V) sipped on our carlsberg's whilst beholding the arificially 'starlit' gurgaon skyline last night, we celebrated the independant goodness of the 2 years spent here.
It had been a blast. Ad-hoc @ parties, surprise birthday cakes, late night (and early morning) thievery of precious H2O from the neighbors, the see-sawing attendace of the variety of domestic help we employed, the tiffin that went from bad to good to worse to edible (or did our palate change?) , the guests from around the world, the sweaty nights that were the pre-invertor days, the fun of doing up our rooms (and the simplicity of the remaining portions:)), the fights over shared responsibilities, the late night returns in a state of inebriation...aah the list is long. And sweet.
Thanks V-28/15a - whilst you were bizarre in your construction, you gave me the distance and yet the proximity I needed post my return to the motherland. Come Saturday - you return to your naked origins. Take care of yourself.
Years later, I might drive by and point out the awesome balcony that is your exterior to the next generation of le chitgos. We might even come up to say hello.

no ordinary problem..

Update: Article written by Thomas Barlow from the Financial Times

Waiting for Michel to tell me who wrote this piece. Irrespective, a pretty interestingly captured look at 'our' current generation. Disclaimer that this will not resonate with everyone that reads this blog. A large cross-section of people I know don't nearly relate to the sense of ambition or the 'problems' the author speaks of below, irrespective- an insightful read.

A friend of mine recently met a young American woman who was studying on
a Rhodes Scholarship at Oxford. She already had two degrees from top US
universities, had worked as a lawyer and as a social worker in the US,
and somewhere along the way had acquired a black belt in kung fu. Now,
however, her course at Oxford was coming to an end and she was
thoroughly angst-ridden about what to do next.

Her problem was no ordinary one.

She couldn't decide whether she should make a lot of money as a
corporate lawyer/management consultant, devote herself to charity work
helping battered wives in disadvantaged Communities, or go to Hollywood
to work as a stunt double in kung fu films. What most struck my friend
was not the disparity of this woman's choices, but the earnestness and
bad grace with which she ruminated on them. It was almost as though she
begrudged her own talents, Opportunities and freedom - as though the
world had treated her unkindly by forcing her to make such a hard
choice.

Her case is symptomatic of our times. In recent years, there has grown
up a culture of discontent among the highly educated young something
that seems to flare up, especially, when people reach their late 20s and
early 30s. It arises not from frustration caused by lack of opportunity,
as may have been true in the past, but from an excess of possibilities.

Most theories of adult developmental psychology have a special category
for those in their late 20s and early 30s.

Whereas the early to mid-20s are seen as a time to establish one's mode
of living, the late 20s to early 30s are often considered a period of
reappraisal. In a society where people marry and have children young,
where financial burdens accumulate early, and where job markets are
inflexible, such appraisals may not last long. But when people manage to
remain free of financial or family burdens, and where the perceived
opportunities for alternative careers are many, the reappraisal is
likely to be strong.

Among no social group is this more true than the modern, International,
professional elite: that tribe of young bankers, lawyers, consultants
and managers for whom financial, familial, personal, corporate and
(increasingly) national ties have become irrelevant. Often they grew up
in one country, were educated in another, and are now working in a
third.

They are independent, well paid, and enriched by experiences that many
of their parents could only dream of. Yet, by their late 20s, many carry
a sense of disappointment: that for all their opportunities, freedoms
and achievements, life has not delivered quite what they had hoped. At
the heart of this disillusionment lies a new attitude towards work.

The idea has grown up, in recent years, that work should not be just a
means to an end a way to make money, support a family, or gain social
prestige but should provide a rich and fulfilling experience in and of
itself. Jobs are no longer just jobs; they are lifestyle options.
Recruiters at financial companies, consultancies and law firms have
promoted this conception of work. Job advertisements promise challenge,
wide experiences, opportunities for travel and relentless personal
development.

Michael is a 33-year-old management consultant who has bought into this
vision of late-20th century work. Intelligent and well-educated - with
three degrees, including a doctorate - he works in Munich, and has a
"stable, long-distance relationship" with a woman living in California.
He takes 140 flights a year and works an average of 80 hours a week.
Some weeks he works more than 100 hours.

When asked if he likes his job, he will say: "I enjoy what I'm doing in
terms of the intellectual challenges." Although he earns a lot, he
doesn't spend much. He rents a small apartment, though he is rarely
there, and has accumulated very few possessions. He justifies the long
hours not in terms of wealth-acquisition, but solely as part of a
"learning experience".

This attitude to work has several interesting implications, mostly to do
with the shifting balance between work and non-work, employment and
leisure. Because fulfilling and engrossing work - the sort that is
thought to provide the most intense learning experience - often requires
long hours or captivates the imagination for long periods of time, it is
easy to slip into the idea that the converse is also true: that just by
working long hours, one is also engaging in fulfilling and engrossing
work. This leads to the popular fallacy that you can measure the value
of your job (and, therefore, the amount you are learning from it) by the
amount of time you spend on it. And, incidentally, when a premium is
placed on learning rather than earning, people are particularly
susceptible to this form of self-deceit.

Thus, whereas in the past, when people in their 20s or 30s spoke
disparagingly about nine-to-five jobs it was invariably because they
were seen as too routine, too unimaginative, or too bourgeois. Now, it
is simply because they don't contain enough hours.

Young professionals have not suddenly developed a distaste for leisure,
but they have solidly bought into the belief that a 45-hour week
necessarily signifies an unfulfilling job. Jane, a 29-year-old corporate
lawyer who works in the City of London, tells a story about working on a
deal with another lawyer, a young man in his early 30s. At about 3am, he
leant over the boardroom desk and said: "Isn't this great? This is when
I really love my job." What most struck her about the remark was that
the work was irrelevant (she says it was actually rather boring); her
colleague simply liked the idea of working late. "It's as though he was
validated, or making his life important by this," she says.

Unfortunately, when people can convince themselves that all they need do
in order to lead fulfilled and happy lives is to work long hours, they
can quickly start to lose reasons for their existence. As they start to
think of their employment as a lifestyle, fulfilling and rewarding of
itself - and in which the reward is proportional to hours worked -
people rapidly begin to substitute work for other aspects of their
lives.

Michael, the management consultant, is a good example of this
phenomenon. He is prepared to trade (his word) not just goods and time
for the experience afforded by his work, but also a substantial measure
of commitment in his personal relationships. In a few months, he is
being transferred to San Francisco, where he will move in with his
girlfriend. But he's not sure that living the same house is actually
going to change the amount of time he spends on his relationship. "Once
I move over, my time involvement on my relationship will not change
significantly. My job takes up most of my time and pretty much dominates
what I do, when, where and how I do it," he says. Moreover, the
reluctance to commit time to a relationship because they are learning so
much, and having such an intense and fulfilling time at work is
compounded, for some young professionals, by a reluctance to have a
long-term relationship at all.

Today, by the time someone reaches 30, they could easily have had three
or four jobs in as many different cities - which is not, as it is often
portrayed, a function of an insecure global job-market, but of choice.
Robert is 30 years old. He has three degrees and has worked on three
continents. He is currently working for the United Nations in Geneva.
For him, the most significant deterrent when deciding whether to enter
into a relationship is the likely transient nature of the rest of his
life. "What is the point in investing all this emotional energy and
exposing myself in a relationship, if I am leaving in two months, or if
I do not know what I am doing next year?" he says.

Such is the character of the modern, international professional, at
least throughout his or her 20s. Spare time, goods and relationships,
these are all willingly traded for the exigencies of work. Nothing is
valued so highly as accumulated experience. Nothing is neglected so much
as commitment. With this work ethic - or perhaps one should call it a
"professional development ethic" - becoming so powerful, the globally
mobile generation now in its late 20s and early 30s has garnered
considerable professional success. At what point, though, does the
experience-seeking end?

Kathryn is a successful American academic, 29, who bucked the trend of
her generation: she recently turned her life round for someone else. She
moved to the UK, specifically, to be with a man, a decision that she
says few of her contemporaries understood. "We're not meant to say: 'I
made this decision for this person. Today, you're meant to do things for
yourself. If you're willing to make sacrifices for others - especially
if you're a woman - that's seen as a kind of weakness. I wonder, though,
is doing things for yourself really empowerment, or is liberty a kind of
trap?" she says.

For many, it is a trap that is difficult to break out of, not least
because they are so caught up in a culture of professional development.
And spoilt for choice, some like the American Rhodes Scholar no doubt
become paralysed by their opportunities, unable to do much else in their
lives, because they are so determined not to let a single one of their
chances slip. If that means minimal personal commitments well into their
30s, so be it. "Loneliness is better than boredom" is Jane's philosophy.

And, although she knows "a lot of professional single women who would
give it all up if they met a rich man to marry", she remains far more
concerned herself about finding fulfillment at work. "I am constantly
questioning whether I am doing the right thing here," she says. "There's
an eternal search for a more challenging and satisfying option, a better
lifestyle. You always feel you're not doing the right thing always feel
as if you should be striving for another goal," she says.

Jane, Michael, Robert and Kathryn grew up as part of a generation with
fewer social constraints determining their futures than has been true
for probably any other generation in history. They were taught at school
that when they grew up they could "do anything", "be anything". It was
an idea that was reinforced by popular culture, in films, books and
television.

The notion that one can do anything is clearly liberating. But life
without constraints has also proved a recipe for endless searching,
endless questioning of aspirations. It has made this generation obsessed
with self-development and determined, for as long as possible, to
minimise personal commitments in order to maximise the options open to
them. One might see this as a sign of extended adolescence.

Eventually, they will be forced to realise that living is as much about
closing possibilities as it is about creating them.