Monday, February 25, 2008


the last 3 days. Michael Clayton lived up to expectations. Jumper did not. I don't know anyone who watches as many movies as we do. I wouldn't watch that many if it wasn't for you. It's just too damn awesome to have someone you can do everything with. Seriously. Everything. That's a lot of things. I told a friend there wouldn't be anything else I missed expect for.. He was genuinely surprised. Tendulkar fires under pressure once again. Back in the village. Settled down. Basic things make one happy. Like a good game of badminton. How can one man have so much game? Big decisions this week. The phenomenon's movement impacts my own. The weather is so damn perfect. The papers were filled with news of the 4 kids killed in the car crash. That is totally one of those things that you think could not happen to you or me. It can. It does. Drive safe. Drive smart. For hell's sake: employ a driver. Dread. Excitement. Hope. Loneliness. Sefl-driven. So much to do. I know this isn't making any sense. Don't worry. Some things are not meant to be understood.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


It's 5 past 1 in the morning. The complaints of my better half combined with the knowledge that I can start my day a little later then usual tomorrow are urging me to re-capture some of the emotions from last week.

For last week was momentous. Marking the dusk of yet another 'era' in the saga, DC turned 24.

Holy crap. I say that to myself nice and slowly as if to be re-playing it in the very filmy style of "nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin"

"twwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttyyyyyyyyyy------ fooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur"

As I look at what I've just written it looks kind of moronic but what the hell, this isn't quite winning the booker for best blog entry. I know that doesnt exist but I really think someone should be thinking of adapting our current rewards for literary genius to the shorter , far more anonymous writings of the web-crawling layman.
Irrespective, this one's not in the contention either which way.

It all sort of started with the day before the big bash-to-be itself. A nice reunion with a mentee and his ever expanding avatars that can only be acquired over the experience of vikhroli combined with terribly large shots of rum mixed with vodka (thanks ofcourse to KS) - led to a few drunken phone calls and some random conversations that I couldnt care to recall now. One phone call was cathartic for me and the recipient though I didn't realize it would become a matter of such great discussion. Still not quite sure as to how it was perceived but am going to allow myself peace with the realization that at the end of the day 'I am a generous, kind hearted man that wants people to be happy' Even for those that are owed nothing- there is a feeling of remorseless remorse. Ever had that feeling? You knoow you shouldn't be feeling guilty about a good decision you made but yet end up feeling so just because the decision is too hard for another to swallow? Small mistakes continue to plague in this one odd-ball connection, that too shall be dealt with.

Drove the boys home that night and woke up with that sleep-deprived, alcohol ridden sense of disgust that can only be cured with a long hot shower, coffee and loads of citrus and carbohydrates. I was to have none of these for the first half of the day so I proceeded to take my 6 million facebook messages (god I love that thing for reminding me of others arrivals but hate it for reminding them of mine), emails and rapidly incoming calls to the east side where T was waiting. Some wonderful gifts were received and there is really nothing more cute then connecting with a 12 year old at her own level. Maybe i'm still 12 in some ways huh? I'm now the proud owner of a book I've wanted for a long time as well as some very very nice apparel that is sure to light up the social gatherings of the coming season. Thanks to you:) !

The birthday prep was kind of stressing me out. My MV pad, as snazzy as it is, can only host so many people at the end of the day. The end of the day (in a literal sense) saw over 40 people during the course of the celebrations. Gate-crashers et al!I should have known that the back garden would play an unassuming host. Whilst I didn't have time to mingle with all and sundry,it was a good chance for people to catch up and for me to remind myself that this is where it is at. This is what the hard work is for and this is truly self-realization and growth's outcomes in the simplest of ways. Nurtured relationships come together from across generations, bonds built with the creators come to an enlightening fruition and the resolve to be 'outstanding' continuously wrestles with the balance it must attain; nay, the balance it HAS to attain.

Balance - The only weapon available freely to manage the chaos that surrounds us.

Anyways, after a fun tash session (there's that word again- for my non-Indian homies this means a game of cards) , the gang dispersed slowly I and joyously. Champaigne accompanied conversations that are always welcome. I slept to the knowledge my teens are a fair distance behind, and the quarter century sneaks closer. I felt the urging need to evaluate, draw up a progress report and browse through notes of 'where I'll be at 24'. I resisted the urge to do so. Something told me, something tells me - it may be spot on. And even if it's not- there's a part of me that is just too damn happy with the balance of yin and yang around me. I would continue to drive change in myself and around me , but ironically enough, it would be a motivation that yields the ultimate goal- of staying in status quo of contentment.


I still remember that conversation with evicka "Dhruv, are you happy?" rings true in my ears every single time.

Bharat sent me a new piece which kicks some ass somewhere in between the festivities btw. It was brilliant and I could imagine myself giving him some pakka-pow leads to go with it. Heart breaker as he is , I get the information that the lead is already in place, he just needs to work the layered recording. Damn you. irrespective, I think a reunion is on the cards sometime next year no?

There didn't exist any post Birthday blues btw. I woke up with a sense of excitement for things to come. There are huge advantages that come with being your own person and your own individual. To any kids that are dreading 'growing up',- don't. Financial freedom, the opportunity to pursue your dreams, the long winding road that carries adventure,invitations from the tracks less traveled and the pathway to make it all right. Right as how you imagined it would be. Right as you played out in your head- over and over and over again. Right as the manner in which the dream, the path and goals converge. Too much uncertainity revolves around the developing years. The years of core development are now done- take all you have and make something happen.
Make it happen.

Diwali night itself turned out to be a lot more fun then what I had expected it to be. More tash, fuljaris, T, close friends, lots of scotch, catching up, random pictures, little fights, festive colors and returning home at 5 am. Diwali in delhi is the sort of thing that an almighty must look at and say "I think they've got the togetherness thing sorted out, now how the hell do i get it to be this way all year long?"

The last few days have been hectic with ups and downs. Only a month and a half remains to the true judgement day. No second takes, no second chances , no trials and no alternate angles where self-aggrandization is the easiest way out. It's now or never. Time to go for broke.

I'm writing some new songs btw which I'll be uploading soon. In the meantime, here's my top 5 track-list of the week:

1. stabilo- flawed design (remix)
2. Kanye West - good life
3. Seal - amazing
4. unkle - lonely soul
5. taking back sunday - what's it feel like to be a ghost (transformers OST)

P.S.- for anyone looking to watch the most nonsensically hilarious, racist and degrading movie to the human mind- watch soul plane. It's a riot.

over and out with the recommendations. You guys should be doing something productive!

of an evening somewhere else

On why I like being somewhere else. (written some days ago)

Just once in a while.

I arrive at your doorstep ..or is it gatestep? Or does that even make sense whilst we’re yelling at each other on the phone on why your cell phone battery always dies at the worse time and how you can supposedly hear me with my booming voice outside the gate A-62 in the fighter jet colony and you come out and say:

“bro you smell splendid, all fresh and all”

And I say “bro, im always refreshed upon seeing you” and then there’s this big stupid laugh as we hug and you slap me on the back and ask “whatsup bro?

It’s always good to be back.

Somewhere else I sit on the 5th floor of a busy building along the highway and see your attractive looking flatmate (who is also a lawyer) walk into the house. On another day, in another time I might have taken more interest but my mind wanders to a girl sitting with a lamp near her face, illuminating her auburn hair as she studies tirelessly the effects of alcohol on the brain and the methodology behind treating retardation in young children. My mind wanders to the point when she suddenly thinks of me and picks up her cell phone. She types out furiously, something extremely adorable. To me, it’s probably more meaningful then anything I’ve read in the entire day. She says “come back” and I joke that I’ve been gone all of 36 hours. As I say this I realize, I miss her...

We drink some nice scotch with water (sam needs his with soda as he goes just a little slower) and we belt down the scrumptious fowl soaked in pure butter. I see planes taking off in the distance and I am somewhere else. They're somewhere else too...

Because somewhere else is nice at times. It’s away from what is everyday and it’s nice to hear the words they say. It’s somewhere new. Ironically, someplace else makes me realize how much I cherish where I was in the first place. Why must we be apart in order to yearn to be together?

The weekend was a heady mix. Things aren't always what they seem and I've got high standards of people. Maybe it stems from the high standards I have on myself. December draws nearer and there are many songs to sing...

many songs to sing.


Got this message in the morning:

It's nevr too late to fall in LuV.
Luv is not finding some1 to live with, it's finding some1 u can't live without.!
Never miss a movement!
Happy Valentines Day.

Key inferences:

1. I hate sms lingo- we are slowly disolving into a crass, crude and short-cutting society that chooses to look like graceless morons thanks to the wonders of quick speed technology

2. never miss a movement? Sure you moron. You should also never miss a chance to read what you're forwarding from some other half-witted idiot to check for grammatical, spelling and utter stupidity-ridden errors.

Meh. I hate Valentines Day. I hate it even more because I've succumbed to it, I succumb to it EVERY time.

Stupid day.

what transpired

has been eventful.

met my blood. I knew he'd love cafe morrisson. we knocked the beers and caught up. As I told V later, there are different levels of maturation. Some may not 'grow up' but face hardships of different kinds- hardships and realities that may be alien to us. He has always meant well and the security blanket we wear manifests itself in his case in the form of a rock hard fist. With this, my brother loves and hates; and for us lucky souls that lie in the realm of the former , there could be noone better. Our reunions will always be joyous.

A delicious cake (even though I didn't react quite as immediately as I should have:)) . Get together at tan's. Highlight being a heater with lights and some insanely dipping temperatures with rum and coke. Pretentious people are everywhere. Gita tagged this pic below as 'family'

The Concert. Huge. Lots of coordination, realizations and more. Went off well and the movie star pulled it off. The creators had fun which was the idea. A friend dissapointed me. Who needs a truth serum when all we need is alcohol? Insecurity towards those who care is despicable. Maybe I don't care as much as I think I do as well.

The night that followed was jarring. None of us are superhuman and the body is fragile. Breakable. Bendable. There lies no greater load then the guilt of letting down one who is your responsibility. There is nothing entertaining about the sight of blood.

Take care my friends. You guys are precious, and I don't mean in the creepy lord of the rings way.

P.S. - I've created chaos by tagging my relationship status as married to V. Jesus- I wonder what's gonna happen when it actually happens. Whaddayasay T? :)

P.P.S- Achewood as usual makes a completely brilliant mess of the ongoing elections in the states. Chris - you are a lone star in the dark skies of our foolhardy belief in all that surrounds us. And you do it through an imaginary set of animals in a fake town. Thank you.

when you care , it shows

We consume various forms of entertainment in our daily lives and if you’re like me, there’s always the desire to hunt out brilliance in movies/plays/music/visual arts etc. Movies play a pretty big role in my weekly fare (albeit commercial most of the time). I’d like to get more arty with my cinema but the access to such films is sparse to say the least. Anyways, I saw a couple of movies over this past fortnight and the reaction to them was different to say the least.

Eastern Promises: a brilliant account of the Russian mafia (based in London) and their relationship with an unfortunate midwife unveils a dark and highly intense series of events that had me and T (well me atleast) spell bound. The almost gritty shades of violence merge superbly with the fragile relationships that exist within a family that is angelic on the outside but clearly the very re-incarnation of societal degradation on the inside. Viggo delivers a phenomenal performance as the driver with a twist. The ending is heart wrenching and leaves one almost begging for more. Well done.

american gangster : the latest offering from ridley scott left MUCH to be desired. A story that held a tremendous deal of promise (for storytelling purposes) along with access to arguably 2 of the most brilliant actors of our time should have had cinema-goers on the edge of their seat. Instead, we got a loosely packed hum-drum effort with bits of violence, disconnected story telling and characters who you don’t fall in love with or hate with intensity as you might expect to with a theme of this sort. What pissed me off even more was that I saw the ceiling mic (used to capture dialogues) about 4 times during the course of the movie. Just goes to show the lack of care taken in the project. Denzel is powerful but that’s almost expected now. Crowe tried but failed miserably to get my sympathies or attention as the misdirected integrity-driven cop. His philandering nature was shoved in for effect and that led me to further irritation. What is terrible though is the fact that I was really really excited about this flick. The ingredients could not have been more perfect but the dish turned out to seriously disappoint. The saying is true: when you care it shows.

Discovered a new blues artist.. Got a mailer about the one tree festival happening in Mumbai randomly, saw that Robert cray was playing. Sent an email to the organizers whining about how they never bring greats up to the capital and saw that this guy was also performing. Curiosity forced me to check out his website and a couple of his songs. 1 day later I had both of his latest albums sitting prettily on my desktop and ipod along with a burnt mp3 cd for my car. Sloe gin is quite a brilliant piece, even if Mr. Seth doesn’t quite think so : ) How much I love the internet. How much I love you.

speaking of the internet, I got a few minutes of air time on ndtv’s x factor where we discussed the recent internet downtimes taking place in india and Egypt. Friends and foes as always had a good laugh about it but like I said “great way of killing an idle Thursday evening”..I also bumped into an old old friend along with a bunch of other acquaintances which is reason enough to swing by for an interview here and there…Niel ofcourse worked very quickly post the meeting and we spent Saturday chilling in the balcony of tabula to some half-decent music. Dj Hamza has skills although I think he could better. I wonder when I’m buying myself the mixer and console 'cos I honestly think I would love to mix a set once a fortnight. Another to-do that gets added to the list. DJ Chitgo in the horizon?

Mehr was in town as well last week along with her friends from LUMS and beyond. Despite an insanely hectic week, I knew I had to meet these guys for multiple reasons. A quick round of drinks at TGIF followed by a last-minute trip to a club that turned out to be fairly shady was to be the series of events for the evening…they enjoyed themselves and the messages received on their return brought a smile to my face.
The wall read
“hey! just got back home safely.
its been a great trip to India, although I do wish we had more time!
Thanks for everything Dhruv! All my friends are in love with u : ):)”
All the fatigue and coordination is so worth it.

T’s homeboy J was in town last week as well. A brilliant photographer, we took a killer trip down to chandini chowk to check out the sites and allow him a click-a-second opportunity of anything and everything that caught his fancy. Visit number 2 at the paranthe vale gali was enjoyable as we scarped down the deep fried delicacies, including a sinfully phenomenal rabri-parantha that had me and T feeling like bowling balls. Lots of walks into the by-lanes and exposure to sights and sounds that are otherwise alien to our everyday life. There’s so much out there, we sometimes forget just how lucky,unlucky or different our lives are. Me and T spoke of the day and how the evening would be spent at a swanky night club. Beautiful people and their beautiful smiles…some fake, some real- but certainly removed, for those few hours, from reality. Who’s to define reality though? Who? Lots of conversations on life, relationships and more for T; difference being that they weren’t with me and it was interesting to see her tackle the situation in a manner that was unlike her normal approach. What is stunning though is J’s brilliance at his art. I call it art because anyone who can take pictures like the one below (look carefully to understand the talent) inspires , nay demands respect. Thanks man- I’m sure we’ll be walking through a gallery displaying your work sooner then later.

Conversations of immense importance have taken precedence this last week. They will lead to decisions and these decisions will lead to consequences and journeys. I’ve always sought out new journeys and for the first time I wonder if I’ve got the legs to carry me. Time will tell. Insecurities of a certain nature crop up from time to time. Will it work? Will it happen? Will it continue as it has been? Will things change? They plague the mind…and I, like any other superhero- grin and bear it. The manner of release surprises me though. There are miles to go before there is complete and total control. the modern day meditation is dogged determination, there can be no greater concentration then a focused effort.

Kanu and Adi get married this weekend. I rejoice in their union through my presence, smiles, hugs and recollection of stories from our shared experiences. I realize that it’s a new phase. I realize a lot.

A lot of excellent elements to the routine have been ignored this past month. The sustained period at home with the creators has been a vacation of many sorts. The phenomenon returns within the next fortnight and the search for a new abode shall begin with gusto. I look forward to it. Health needs to take priority once again and the ability/time to work it all out of the system has been sorely missed. The weather changes ever so slowly and the day is not far when we speak of manic heat waves and sun-burn. I learn of a good friends’ return to the city, I learn of a friend’s disgust with her job. I celebrate the former and I try and look for solutions for the latter. Sometimes I think I should stop looking for solutions. It’s caused a bit of heart burn in the past, but as I told T..’noone I know has benefited from taking the passionate and loving side of a friend for granted”. I’ve left many by the wayside in the past…with no chance for their return. It still hurts- just a little bit though. Are expectations too high? I don’t even know what that means. Equality and balance is the secret. If I don’t feel it, I know my objectivity promises me that it doesn’t exist.

The fingers fly
The pictures form
The belief rings true
The future is you.
Don’t question
Don’t judge
Don’t wonder
I’ll live it my way
And like no other.

Good night. This has been cathartic.

is this the greatest song of all time?

this is devotion, this is indescribable, desperate..a complete offering. I heard Rocket house repeatedly in times of endless soul searching and reflection last year. Times are different now, but the whirlwind still surrounds - tempting my efforts to pacify. It's works of art like these that are my armory.

Thank you Chris for having added so much to my life. I wonder which divinity it was that inspired you into writing this. I would have asked her to have mercy on you, on me...
The horizon pales
when she hits the ground
sirens and scaffolds
all coming down
under the weight of heaven
if only devotion
could rise on a word
then you could stumble
never be hurt
you could let go

Breaking your fall
Breaking your fall

The pilots of pleasure
your weatherman
never could push you
far as I can
they just let you fall
while buildings and bridges
just crash and burn
it's only a cloudbank
bursting in turn
they were made to come down

Breaking your fall
Breaking your fall

Fault lines and failures
angels and all
follow her footholds
breaking her fall
it's alchemical

Chris Whitley - Breaking your fall
from the album Hotel Vast Horizon.